Oasis

Mental contract

 I've said hello, I can't take it back

  And now you've shown me that I cannot be
   Anything but your idea of me

Tethered being

 I can't interpret what I'm feeling

  I let it hurt, because I let it be
   Is it so wrong to want to see

Something easy

 My wasted efforts never pleasing

  Yet here I am just like before
   My eager blood spilled on the floor

Nearly broken

 An aging beast in an empty ocean

  Writhing in the stinging wind
   I did not want to do this again

Nearly stasis

 I suffer on towards the next oasis

  While in my mind, the likely conclusion
   That I'm inching towards the next illusion

Don't Come Find Me

All these days that I rest in my grave before my time

Every hour that passes unused is unkind

I struggle against these ropes but don't untie me

Don't come find me

The days are slow, but these weeks they won't stop winding

Every habit, every sound they seem to remind me

That I am still waiting for some moment but it's never timely

Don't come find me

Every mountain's just a hill that I don't feel like climbing

I like to blame it on the pills but I'm probably lying

I can't sleep these years away but I'm happier when I'm trying

Don't come find me

Vile

Drained is the liar
With his endless rolling tires
  Vile is the wire
  There's no trial, only fire

Renewed is the sayer
The dirt beholds his prayer
  Vile is the layer
  That sits beyond the flayer

(Have fun starting over, dumbass)

How I Really Feel

I met a camgirl
We talked about anime
I ran out of coins
But she talked to me anyway
I know its not like that
But I checked my messages every day
When she finally sent one
it said "Let's have some fun today"

I'm just an idiot

I feel so out of place

How did I get here?

How do I escape

That's how I really feel 

I went out for a drive
It felt nice to be away
I spend my life in a screen
I spend my years in a day
With all of these almost friends
Who pretend that they see me
Or do I keep them at arm's length
So they don't see me bleeding?

I am so stupid

I know what not to think

But my brain goes on any way

All the way to the brink

That's how I really feel 

When I Was the River

When I was the river
I turned where the earth curved
Slave to the whims of the ground

Now that I am the ocean
My depths go unsearched
All who enter must swim or drown

Just a Note

Reach through my skin
With your perfect hands
Tell me I am something
That I don't believe I am
Wander through my alleyways
Acquaint with all my thieves
Pick citrus from my orchards
Then rest in my dead leaves

This is just a note
Echoing through time
Written so you'd know
I could never change my mind

I want to read every page
And then start again
I want to hate your enemies
And love all your friends
I'll clean all the windows
In your little shop downtown
When it's time to lock the doors at night
We'll be more than what we found

This is just a note
With no ending and no start
Written so you'd know
I could never break your heart

Alone Pt. 1

Well, I've got time
To tell you how I lost my soul and mind
To let you meet the me I left behind
All the things I tried to be
And yes, I'm fine
The universe is strange but less confined
No arbiter to commend my ways, or malign
Now that I find myself

Alone

For the first time on my own
No father, son, or holy ghost
No beautiful but distant rose
Just one overflowing dose

Alone Pt. 2

Well, I've got time

To show you were it all went wrong, or right?
The siren song that keeps me up at night
Regret is my enemy
And yes, I'm fine
Everything used to be so black and white
I watched it turn to gray, the strangest sight
Now that I have to be

Alone

For the first time on my own
No sureties to keep me comatose
No one to sparsely hold me close
Just one overflowing dose

Alone Pt. 3

Well, I've got time
To recount every stranger's praise, or slight
Or you could see the moments I hold tight
They make up all of me
And yes, I'll be fine
I may only get to say this once, or twice
There's sweetness in the fading days and nights
Now that I get to be

Sapphire Sky

Sapphire sky

Falling all around me
Where the hell am I?
Yours, the only eyes I see

Floating through your world

Drowning in your sea

Sapphire sky

Why don’t you come surround me
Why the hell would I...
Need any air to breath?

Floating through your world

Drowning in your sea

Sapphire sky

I want to be where you found me
Reflected in your eyes
A never-waking dream

Floating through your world

Drowning in your sea

Sunbeam

It was ours

The hours, the minutes, the seconds

I counted each; desperate for distraction 

A moment of respite from the glorious torture of being needed

An omen were the nights when I fell silent in the backyard

2am in the salty breeze; lying in the dirt

A wet nose defibrillating my forehead

Letting the thoughts run out

Drying like tears on my cheeks

The bed is quiet where you lay

Like a house cat in a sunbeam

Unconcerned by the source of the warmth on the floor

A thousand ears with no hands

A thousand years still ends

I did not tick, I groaned

Like a bridge crumbling in a sunbeam

Unkempt yet well-worn

Who will time blame for my downfall?

Who will want my drowning pieces?