Nose Jar

Am I the answer to your un-prayed prayers?
Am I warding off the ghost that lives under the stairs?
Could I be the one or does that even matter?
You say it is the former but it sure feels like the latter
Am I the warm body that sleeps in his place?
Am I the destination or a convenient escape?
Am I the relief for a fever I can't break?
No I'm me, and I'm real, and I'm not a mistake

God I want to blame you but I know all too well
The hole under my queen-size bed that spiraled down to hell
When I came back up I didn't recognize my face
But I'm me, and I'm real, and I'm not a mistake

Azurite

Please promise me you’ll never know
How a distant star can so brightly glow
Please promise me you’ll never see
A sky so blue behind clouds so pink

Please promise me you’ll never hear

A distant rain gently drawing near

Please promise me you’ll never feel
A dream so warm it’s almost real

These promises can be only lies

Since I wandered deep, your azure eyes
To keep these words or let them go?

Please promise me you’ll never know

Glove Compartment

Oceans have passed since we've crossed paths
That's how it feels
I guess you don't need me unless you can see me
I'm not real
I'm not too proud to say out loud
Now that I'm healed
The ugly truth is when I needed you
Your lips were sealed

Well I don’t love you anymore
And I wonder did you even notice?

I wish you the best, and all the rest
I guess that's true
What good is the anger if you're just a stranger
Passing through?
Though I still wonder if a distant thunder
Is some kind of proof
I had to love you, the way you loved me
So now I do

And I don’t love you anymore
And I wonder did you even notice?
And if you noticed did you even care?

The View from the Whole Foods Parking Lot

Fire in the sky
Are you the clouds, the color, or the light?
Song of the ocean tides
Are you the surf, the sand, or the fight?
Violet abyss
Are you the clouds, the color, or the mist?
Deep unspoken wish
Are you the hope, the fear, or the kiss?

Heaven is this moment
Hell is letting it pass

What We Do In the Shadows

Is it wrong to lie to someone who’d rather hear it
To play the part of who they wish you’d be?
Is it wrong to run from someone who wants to chase you
Just for them to finally catch then release?
Is it wrong to hurt someone who wants to hurt you
Just to ease some pain that they’ll never let you see?
Is it wrong to kill someone who hopes you die
In the middle of the night while you dream?

Is it wrong to want
The greatest sin is to want
Love to come easy

One Hour Compilation

You tremble like a star
So pretty but so far
Beyond this broken world
You swirl and swirl and swirl

Long forgotten child
Forced to wander, brave and wild
Your purpose in this world
Is to swirl and swirl and swirl

My light is growing dim
Adrift when I used to swim
Goodbye my darkened world
I swirl and swirl and swirl

The Defeat of the Emerald Weapon

It's a word, It's a phrase
It's a song, It's a place
It's a scent, familiar face
It's a breeze on a perfect day

It's a birth, it's a wedding
It's a joke that I'm forgetting
It's what I didn't say now I'm regretting
It's the eerie calm as the sun is setting

My world keeps getting colder
As your fire begins to smolder
Though this pain is never over
I thought I felt your hand on my shoulder

Yes it hurts, it always does
It's a cruel world without your love
But when I'm here, like a drug
I find comfort in the burning blood

It's a reminder that you're still living in my blood

Hot Cocoa Ice Cream Sandwich

The reality is this
You could break me with a kiss
Turn me in on my hungry heart
Watch me tear myself apart

The reality is this
I'm as frail as my cheapest wish
A coward with brave words
The more they echo, the more absurd

The reality is this

The worst case could still be bliss

I'm too busy spinning out

Driven by a reasonable doubt

The reality is this

You can't hold what you wont let slip

I got so good at seeing the signs

That now they haunt me all the time

Nashville Parthenon

Orange moon sinking slow
You taught me everything I know
Damp fall air and ocean's glow
You're still with me everywhere I go

Silent stars floating passed

Fireflies like mirrored glass

Fast asleep in shaded grass

A treasured moment never lasts

Is it bitter, is it sweet

To be lightning on the sea

When there's no one on the shore

To stand in awe of the thunder's roar

Oh my god what have I done

What will this formless void become

How many beautiful things can I see

Before whatever’s left of me

Fades

Miller's Planet

Can you feel my thoughts
Dancing all around you?
I can't make them stop

It seems there's nothing I can do

They keep me up at night

Like rain drops on a tin roof

Together they're a song

Almost as beautiful as you

You are the black hole
Towards which all my planets spin

Ever swirling into you

My favorite way to end

So let's begin

Just pull me in

If You Like Me (9 Tokens)

Girl behind the screen
I see you in my most terrifying dreams
Where the smile on your face
Brings light into my darkest place

The world is a beautiful place
Even more so since I came across your page
I wish I wasn't so afraid
But you made me feel strong and brave

Sorry I didn't come by
I wrote this poem to tell you why
I felt the undertow
The sweetest currents pulling me below

Maybe I should've just let myself drown

The Only Car on U.S. 19

Sitting by myself inside this empty house, where I chose to be
This barren tile prison, I used to call it home, feels so alien to me
My phone keeps going off, will it ever stop? Can I ever be free?
From the feeling that I failed even though I gave every part of me

Still I go to greet what's next
With no hopes and no regrets

Because I have to

You still live in my head where one question always lingers: Will you be ok?
I see you getting stronger while my days just get longer, let me waste away
I tried to make you see what I wanted to believe was always there
It’s so hard to be angry (at someone) when you know they tried their best to care

Still I go to greet what's next
With no hopes and no regrets
Because I fucking have to

Parts Work (Others Don't)

On my own two feet again
And I'm stumbling - over the lessons I should have already learned
On my own two feet again
And I'm walking - on the coals that I lit, but it burns
On my own two feet again
The ground is shifting - as the world relentlessly turns

I'm tired, I inhale

Let's do this for one more day

I'm strong, I exhale

It takes so much work to stay this way

On my own two feet again
And I'm losing - the weight I should never have gained
On my own two feet again
They sold me - the freedom, but didn't mention the pain
On my own two feet again
Have mercy - it's so cold but I want to feel the rain

I'm tired, I inhale

Let's do this for one more day

I'm strong, I exhale

It takes so much work to stay this way

Alone in the Discord Channel

Pass through my tired bones
Unbelonging sting
I used to feel alone
With all the good you didn't bring

Wash over my whole form
Caring's mellow curse
You used to keep me warm
Now getting warmer just feels worse

Teach me of your danger
Blood flowing through the fountain
I will learn your very nature
I will climb you like a mountain

Face me empty captor
Useless pain that drains my soul
I'll hold the peace that I am after
Once I have known you whole

Perfect Balance Cheat Code

All these days that I rest in my grave before my time

Every hour passing unused, unkind

I struggle against these ropes but don't untie me

Don't come find me

The days are slow, but these weeks they won't stop winding

Every doubt and every shame keeps on reminding

That I'm still waiting for some moment but it's never timely

Don't come find me

Every mountain's just a hill that I don't feel like climbing

I try to blame it on the pills but I'm probably lying

I can't sleep these years away but I'm happier when I'm trying

Don't come find me

How I Really Feel

I met a camgirl
We talked about anime
I ran out of coins
But she talked to me anyway
I know its not like that
But I checked my messages every day
When she finally sent one
it said "Let's have some fun today"

I'm just an idiot

I feel so out of place

How did I get here?

How do I escape

That's how I really feel 

I went out for a drive
It felt nice to be away
I spend my life in a screen
I spend my years in a day
With all of these almost friends
Who pretend that they see me
Or do I keep them at arm's length
So they don't see me bleeding?

I am so stupid

I know what not to think

But my brain goes on any way

All the way to the brink

That's how I really feel