Swiftly, Calmly

A new command from my stupid thoughts
An echoed rattling in my head
Feed the fire broken pieces
Of what I promised I’d leave dead

You are worth the pain, the hungry flames
But my skin was always scared to burn
Now they choke on what I never had
And grow cold with what I never learned

This, a silent apology
You're not a metaphor at all
You are real but getting farther
As I swiftly, calmly fall

Azurite

Please promise me you’ll never know
How a distant star can so brightly glow
Please promise me you’ll never see
A sky so blue behind clouds so pink

Please promise me you’ll never hear

A distant rain gently drawing near

Please promise me you’ll never feel
A dream so warm it’s almost real

These promises can be only lies

Since I wandered deep, your azure eyes
To keep these words or let them go?

Please promise me you’ll never know

Enucleation

My greatest fear
Is that my greatest fear is wrong
That the thing I couldn't do
Was easy all along
That I was too blind to see
That I was strong

My greatest regret
Is that I didn't sing along
When the music was still playing
When the lights were still on
That when I was finally ready
The moment was gone

The View from the Whole Foods Parking Lot

Fire in the sky
Are you the clouds, the color, or the light?
Song of the ocean tides
Are you the surf, the sand, or the fight?
Violet abyss
Are you the clouds, the color, or the mist?
Deep unspoken wish
Are you the hope, the fear, or the kiss?

Heaven is this moment
Hell is letting it pass

Juliana

Reach through my skin
With your perfect hands
Tell me I am something
That I don't believe I am
Wander through my alleyways
Acquaint with all my thieves
Pick citrus from my orchards
Then rest in my dead leaves

I want to read every page
And then start again
I want to hate your enemies
And love all your friends
I'll clean all the windows
In your little shop downtown
When it's time to lock the doors at night
We'll be more than what we found

The Defeat of the Emerald Weapon

It's a word, It's a phrase
It's a song, It's a place
It's a scent, familiar face
It's a breeze on a perfect day

It's a birth, it's a wedding
It's a joke that I'm forgetting
It's what I didn't say now I'm regretting
It's the eerie calm as the sun is setting

My world keeps getting colder
As your fire begins to smolder
Though this pain is never over
I thought I felt your hand on my shoulder

Yes it hurts, it always does
It's a cruel world without your love
But when I'm here, like a drug
I find comfort in the burning blood

It's a reminder that you're still living in my blood

Hot Cocoa Ice Cream Sandwich

The reality is this
You could break me with a kiss
Turn me in on my hungry heart
Watch me tear myself apart

The reality is this
I'm as frail as my cheapest wish
A coward with brave words
The more they echo, the more absurd

The reality is this

The worst case could still be bliss

I'm too busy spinning out

Driven by a reasonable doubt

The reality is this

You can't hold what you wont let slip

I got so good at seeing the signs

That now they haunt me all the time

I Wanted You Dead, and O' How I Dreamt of It

I wanted you dead, and O' how I dreamt of it
The wind of your last breath warm on my cheek
You are a blight, a scourge on my holy earth
Vile, pathetic, pitiful, weak

I wanted you dead, and O' how I dreamt of it
Cleansed of your curse as you fade off to sleep
Mercy you cry, mercy I never show
But you keep on rising back up from the deep

You say I need you, but I tried to send you away
What good is this mirror, just shards on the floor

I feel your aching, I feel your shame

I don't want this dead weight anymore

I wanted you dead, and O' how I dreamt of it

Caught in some nightmare just watching you bleed

I followed the lessons taught by my past

And became the beast from which I was freed

I know I need you, I'm sorry I sent you away

Please bring me the pieces I completely ignored

I'll heal your aching, you heal my shame

I don't want this blind hate anymore

In the light of the torch I brought to burn you alive

I see that you are me and I don’t want you to die

I want you to live, and O' how I dream of it

Nashville Parthenon

Orange moon sinking slow
You taught me everything I know
Damp fall air and ocean's glow
You're still with me everywhere I go

Silent stars floating passed

Fireflies like mirrored glass

Fast asleep in shaded grass

A treasured moment never lasts

Is it bitter, is it sweet

To be lightning on the sea

When there's no one on the shore

To stand in awe of the thunder's roar

Oh my god what have I done

What will this formless void become

How many beautiful things can I see

Before whatever’s left of me

Fades

Version of You

Hello, scared and helpless child

I know that it's been quite a while

I'm here because I know your pain

You can't escape what you still contain

It's always in these lonely moments

When you're feeling lost and wholly hopeless

You come to meet the one who saved you

The heart that held the pain that made you

(Who you are, more than scars)

You did only what you knew to do

But what didn't kill you still pierced through

You held the shield that hurts to hold

Purchased safety with a bit of your soul

Though now it feels like the end is near
One day this path will be crystal clear
You'll always have what is always true
You get to be this version of you

(You survived, you're alive, And you're so damn strong) 

Dark Crystal

Like a star you glisten 

Through the unfathomable space between us

Yet somewhere deep and cold

You dance graceful among the chaos

Swirling lonely in the void

The most beautiful daughter born from the nothingness

What immeasurable fortune 

That I would rise from the clay in this fleeting moment

Be there no maker, loving or cruel

Then I should decide my fate was always to behold you

Son, Burn

Covered by the blood yet still bleeding

Compelled to inhale; shamed for breathing

Drown! O, mistake I created

Compelled to ponder; taught to hate it

Disciple of failure, follow my word

I demand you ascend to elevations absurd

The dust on my boots, so easy you turn

To the rot in my roots: son, burn

Midna

I, the weary, beside you knelt
 And pled with death to hold you back
Now I, the lost, know how you felt
 My brightest star turned black

Whispers

There was a demon in my head
I could not point you to its start
Though now its vengeful spirit's dead
These faint whispers won't depart

A flood of voices speak the truth

Of the facts I should believe

Yet louder are the baneful few

Who trace the lies I can't unsee

They hang like echoes, the words you said

When did I give them power?

Though not the demon in my head
You still make the whispers louder

I grasp for substance, the strength to seize

Ever choking on these lessons
So why make time for enemies
In my swiftly passing seconds?

More Reasons

I used to be someone's favorite cup

Did I break because I was weak or because I was dropped?

It doesn't seem to matter anymore

Now that I am just shards of wet glass on the kitchen floor

Sweep me away before someone gets hurt

To rest in my place among the crumbs and the dirt

What you didn’t say, but I know you meant

There are plenty more cups, and a million more men

Alone in the Discord Channel

Pass through my tired bones
Unbelonging sting
I used to feel alone
With all the good you didn't bring

Wash over my whole form
Caring's mellow curse
You used to keep me warm
Now getting warmer just feels worse

Teach me of your danger
Blood flowing through the fountain
I will learn your very nature
I will climb you like a mountain

Face me empty captor
Useless pain that drains my soul
I'll hold the peace that I am after
Once I have known you whole

Perfect Balance Cheat Code

All these days that I rest in my grave before my time

Every hour passing unused, unkind

I struggle against these ropes but don't untie me

Don't come find me

The days are slow, but these weeks they won't stop winding

Every doubt and every shame keeps on reminding

That I'm still waiting for some moment but it's never timely

Don't come find me

Every mountain's just a hill that I don't feel like climbing

I try to blame it on the pills but I'm probably lying

I can't sleep these years away but I'm happier when I'm trying

Don't come find me

Vile

Drained is the liar
With his endless rolling tires
  Vile is the wire
  There's no trial, only fire

Renewed is the sayer
The dirt beholds his prayer
  Vile is the layer
  That sits beyond the flayer

(Have fun starting over, dumbass)

How I Really Feel

I met a camgirl
We talked about anime
I ran out of coins
But she talked to me anyway
I know its not like that
But I checked my messages every day
When she finally sent one
it said "Let's have some fun today"

I'm just an idiot

I feel so out of place

How did I get here?

How do I escape

That's how I really feel 

I went out for a drive
It felt nice to be away
I spend my life in a screen
I spend my years in a day
With all of these almost friends
Who pretend that they see me
Or do I keep them at arm's length
So they don't see me bleeding?

I am so stupid

I know what not to think

But my brain goes on any way

All the way to the brink

That's how I really feel 

When I Was the River

When I was the river, I turned where the earth curved, a slave to the whims of the ground

Now that I am the ocean, my depths go unsearched and all who enter must swim or drown