Isn't That Just a Fancy Word for Feeling "Bummed Out"?

If it keeps me up at night
Then it must be alright
If it makes it hard to breathe
Then you'd think it'd be easy to see
If I feel it in my deep down in my bones
Why am I still all alone
If my bones are so hollow and light
Why the hell can't I flap my arms and fly

They say trust your gut
Well, my gut is an ignorant slut

They say it's coming when I least expect
But every close call turns into a wreck
They say you'll know when you feel it
But how can I know what's real if
I'm always feeling it, always healing it
Always laughing and crying and reeling in
Lines that I swear were fighting me once
Now are bare as the place where I used to feel love

They say trust your gut
Well, my gut is an ignorant slut

Fuck

Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, etc.

I would think you a dream

If I was capable of dreaming something

So perfectly sweet

And so exquisitely soul crushing

I would think you to blame

But I welcomed the "curse" you placed on me

So perfectly sanguine

I'm so exquisitely weak

I'm on the other side

Of the picture I saved of you in the

Warm golden light

Of a sunset I'll never see

You're the only one who makes me feel this

Like my heart can't wait to be torn in two

I say your name three times in the mirror

But you never come through

O, how I wish you'd come through

That Must Have Been Some Cave!

How far would you go
To spend one more day as your own ghost

haunting those thrift store clothes?

How long would you last

Up to your neck in pieces of the past

Rotting in the undergrowth?

How long will you hold

The stitches that healed so long ago

Worried that you'll need them again?

 

How far would you go

To spend one more day with the devil you know

Waiting for the bitter end

Follow me, empathy
Did I learn anything?

Swallow me, entropy

It's just another day
Through the trees' canopies
The light won’t reach everything
I'll always be in between
Or maybe it just feels that way