10.29.2024

Hot Cocoa Ice Cream Sandwich

The reality is this
You could break me with a kiss
Turn me in on my hungry heart
Watch me tear myself apart

The reality is this
I'm as frail as my cheapest wish
Just a coward with brave words
The more they echo, the more absurd

The reality is this
The worst case could still be bliss
But I'm too busy spinning out
Driven by a reasonable doubt

The reality is this
You can't hold what you wont let slip
I got so good at seeing the signs
That now I see them all the time

I can't move forward but I won't rewind
I just have a lot
On my mind

10.01.2024

I Wanted You Dead, and O' How I Dreamt of It

I wanted you dead, and O' how I dreamt of it
The wind of your last breath warm on my cheek
You are a blight, a scourge on my holy earth
Vile, pathetic, pitiful, weak


I wanted you dead, and O' how I dreamt of it
Cleansed of your curse as you fade off to sleep
Mercy you cry, mercy I never show
But you keep on rising back up from the deep

You say I need you, but I tried to send you away
What good is this mirror, just shards on the floor
I feel your aching, I feel your shame
I don't want this dead weight anymore


I wanted you dead, and O' how I dreamt of it
Caught in some nightmare just watching you bleed
I followed the lessons taught by my past
Becoming the beast from which I was freed

I know I need you, I'm sorry I sent you away
Please bring me the pieces I completely ignored
I'll heal your aching, you heal my shame
I don't want this blind hate anymore


In the light of the torch I brought to burn you alive
I see that you are me and I don’t want you to die
I want you to live, and O' how I dream of it

9.21.2024

Throwaway Song

Jessica Williams, you gave me your number but I didn't call
I wonder how you felt while your phone sat and did nothing at all
Well, in much the same way I was lying on my bedroom floor, frozen in fear
The fear that I wasn't worth you, so sure I would hurt you and leave you in tears

It was nearly fall when Autumn called and asked "What was wrong with me?"
I could have died thinking of all the nights she cried while I was sound asleep
She had sky blue eyes, a radiant smile, and she made me laugh
But I didn’t love myself enough to love someone who might love me back

You glow like a fresh snow reflecting the moonlight on a clear winters eve
I know you're not flawless, but everything about you is perfect to me
After all these years, after all this pain, I thought that I would at least be strong
But I'm still the same, the things I should just say, become lyrics in a throwaway song

It's the same old story
Come and sing along
I'll play it again I'm sure
It's just a throwaway song

6.21.2024

Forever

Orange moon sinking slow
You taught me everything I know
Damp fall air and ocean's glow
You're still with me everywhere I go

Silent stars floating passed
Fireflies like mirrored glass
Fast asleep in shaded grass
A treasured moment never lasts

Is it bitter, is it sweet
To be lightning on the sea
When there's no one on the shore
To stand in awe of the thunder's roar

Oh my god what have I done
What will this formless void become
How many beautiful things can I see
Before whatever’s left of me

Fades away



5.25.2024

My Favorite Way to End

Can you feel my thoughts
Dancing all around you?
I can't make them stop
It seems there's nothing I can do

They keep me up at night
Like rain drops on a tin roof
Together they're a song
Almost as beautiful as you

You are the black hole
Towards which all my planets spin
Ever swirling into you
My favorite way to end

So let's begin
Just pull me in

4.16.2024

Version of You

Hello, scared and helpless child
I know it's been quite a while
I'm here because I know your pain
You can't escape what you still contain
It's always in your most lonely moments
When you're feeling lost and wholly hopeless
You come to meet the one who saved you
The heart that held the pain that made you
Who you are
More than scars

You did only what you knew to do
What didn't kill you still pierced through
You held the shield that hurts to hold
Bought some safety with a bit of your soul
Right now it feels like the end is near
But one day this path will look so clear
And there's one thing that will always be true
You're the only one who gets to be the version of you
That survived
You're alive 
And you're so damn strong 

3.30.2024

Undertow

Girl behind the screen
I see you in my most terrifying dreams
Where the smile on your face
Brings light into my darkest place

The world is a beautiful place
Even more so since I came across your page
I wish I wasn't so afraid
But you made feel strong and brave

Sorry I didn't come by
I wrote this poem to tell you why
I felt the undertow
The sweetest currents pulling me below

Maybe I should've just let myself drown